I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
