They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
