Your mouth is God's brothel.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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