I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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