Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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