Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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