I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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