I wish I could punch you in the face.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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