You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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