just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
