Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
