is your mom at the bar?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
