Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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