when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
