dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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