I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
