i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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