i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
