Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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