He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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