He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
