Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
