Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
