It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
