Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
