Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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