u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
