Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
