I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
