i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
