brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
