I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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