please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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