This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
