i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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