Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
