it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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