Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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