Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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