Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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