You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
