i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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