Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
