The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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