I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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