I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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