a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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