If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
