please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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