we have pet lesbian snakes
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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